Many people, often women, suffer terribly from an old infidelity of your partner. It is an acute, never-ending, pain that lasts for months and even years after the infidelity, and which fills the heart with these people from rabies, retrospective jealousy, insecurity, mistrust, resentment. These dupes / ACE want to stop suffering either way, but they can’t. And anguished wonder: how to achieve this?. The chronic wound of these dupes / ACE clearly resides in his own personal pride in self esteem, in the deepest of the self. This is a self-inflicted wound in the layer narcissistic personality.
We all have a more or less large in that unconscious narcissism stratum; the bigger, more hurts us any thorn in him. Well, what is narcissism? Narcissism is that typical egocentricity and infantile selfishness by which younger children dominate sometimes exaggeratedly others (starting from the mother), cling to his (mine, mine, proportional to the degree narcissistic personality. The subject, rather than abandoned, feels offended, mocked, foiled in her vanity because he secretly exercised an egocentric dominance over her partner, believed owner or owner of this, which now has been released unexpectedly and without permission from him. In addition, as the deluded sometimes feels some terrible hidden desires of infidelity and, on the other hand, it is believed better or superior to another / a, not cease to despise and attack by envy. Which, to make matters worse, continually blows to the ear without self-esteem of the offended: you not vouchers enough, your opponent was better, you removed power, hopefully you were like him, I wish he were dead so do you shade. And with all this the deluded hates and torments without a break (and even more so when, in addition, suffers paranoid traits). The fuming can’t forgive it is say, does not want to do so-, because you need to hate to follow feeling important and higher; to continue keeping its fictional control over things. In reality, this was always their basic – control to its partner-quest, and his inexhaustible rancor is proof that his love was never, after all, too strong (the narcissistic can not love, and partly for that reason same spouse moved away from them).
Why, finally, thousand pleas and regrets of the infidel, or even his definitive return to home, not comfort, nor move, nor they pacify the rancor of the offended narcissistic (1). How to cure this wound? How exit trap? Most immature people will never forgive, but they will elect the punishment, revenge, the final break. The most evolved will prefer recovered love (and the solution of the reasons that produced the infidelity) past humiliation, and will soon achieve peace. The problem lies in people suffering from an inner dilemma between their strong self-centred tendencies and its equally strong loving provisions. What do? Which way forward? In my opinion, only to the extent that these people manage to choose, to resolve his dilemma, whether it is bottoming out in her pain, either through personal growth (often with the help of a psychotherapy), may permanently cure your pain. __ 1. This attitude can lead a new infidelity, and so on. Original author and source of the article.